24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
