Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
