Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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