I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We need to get me chipped asap
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize