you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
