It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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