what day is it and did you see me today?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am one with the molecules
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
