I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
