if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These tits shall not be calmed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
