look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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