Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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