"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
