Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
