i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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