the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
