I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
