upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
