Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
