the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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