I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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