Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
