oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
