You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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