checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize