I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
BRING THE BAGELS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
