Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
