Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was born a porn star she said
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
