I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
