I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what day is it and did you see me today?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
