i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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