after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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