Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
