Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
