i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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