I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
