we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
