She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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