Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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