He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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