I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
