Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
