I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize