He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
