just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
