You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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