The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
