I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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