Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
