Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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