Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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