Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We left the knife in your bed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
