hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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