I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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