and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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