i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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