Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
