Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
