A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
