So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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