never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
