i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
