I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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