I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize